I do not know what to do with myself when Granny is not home. I struggle. When I am not at school I spend most of my time with her. Just hanging around. You see, I am a little timid and my cousins do not exactly like playing with me. May be they just don’t like me. I don’t blame them. I have issues. Like the other day they asked me to join them in playing “mama and dad”. Well, it’s not like I was going to be in any of the lead roles. I was going to be the first born child that goes to fetch water and collect firewood. I do not exactly mind this although I get the sense that they are punishing me for Granny’s Nairobi trip. What I don’t like about being the all-responsible-beast-of-burden-first-born is the part I have to cook. The thing is, when it’s your responsibility to cook for the family in “Mama and dad”, it is almost always ugali and some vegetable. I mean we rarely eat ugali at home when Granny is here but it is the staple of the game. Soil fetched and grass cut. All is well until you have to piss into the tin with the soil. It has to be piss. Not water. You see Granny put this huge Tri-Circle padlock on the water tank because she says we like wasting water. Now only Jay, our older cousin has the key to it. He is mean, that one.
So, I am pulling my pants down to piss into our ugali flour and right there my cousin, Kay screams. From nowhere, “Haha you have an eye on your buttock”. Well, yes my pant has a small hole but I am offended that Kay’s phrasing makes it so ridiculous. My other cousins are laughing at me. So loudly. I guess this is the moment they were all waiting for. I quickly pull back my pants. There is urine all over me. I am crying like there is no tomorrow. I run into Granny’s room and cry some more. I miss her. I wish I wasn’t the all-responsible-beast-of-burden-first-born. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t have had to cook. If I wouldn’t have had to cook, I wouldn’t have had to piss into the tin. If I wouldn’t have had to piss into the tin, I wouldn’t have had to pull down my pants. If I wouldn’t have had to pull down my pants, Kay wouldn’t have seen the hole in my pants. She wouldn’t have screamed. My cousins wouldn’t have laughed at me. I wouldn’t be crying now. But, I would still be missing Granny.
I do not understand why my cousins think this is okay. I am older than all of us playing this game. But I am happy to not be the mama. Or even the father. You know, this game is a little not so okay for children. I have seen my cousins have sex with each other. They go all the way. Curtains and all. My other cousin even tells us that we are children so we should sleep. I am telling you we close our eyes dead. Mama and father do very grown-up things. Me, I have never had a father. Some of my cousins don’t either but they don’t seem bothered. I guess they are a little more creative than I am. They have perfected the art of faking their fathers. I do not how to. So I have killed my father. Dead.