Me, I don’t like beans

February 5, 2014

Kay’s mother came around today and left with her. I know I didn’t want to be alone with Kay at night. Kay is not nice. She is really not like that with other people. Just me. She has been staying with us for three days now. And this other woman keeps calling me Kay. I hate that name. My name is not Kay. I am not sure that I like her. I don’t like the way her eyes open and take too long to close. I think she will be a witch when she grows up. I can imagine her with those red eyes that have kimbo on the sides. You see me, I didn’t even know that was called Kimbo; those white fatty things in our eyes that Granny says we should wash off our faces in the morning. Poor kids at school say witches have them. And red eyes. I can’t tell Granny that I don’t like Kay because that is bad. I want to go heaven and play with lions like those white children I saw in the Watch Tower. I know God will forgive me for not liking Kay. There is nothing I can do about that. He has to forgive me. 

You see for the three days that she has been here, Kay has pissed on Granny’s bed. I don’t know how I will tell Granny that it wasn’t me. I know Granny knows that I don’t piss on the bed except that night when the rain came with so much noise and light. But I was scared. So I pissed. When people are scared they piss that is what Granny says. She forgave me. She is very nice. I am the only one who knows that Kay pissed on Granny’s bed. Everyone else knows it’s me. For three nights Kay has pissed on her side of the bed and moved over to my side and pushed me into her wet side. Our cousin Jay always comes to wake us up and he has seen me on that side. The wet side. I wake up on the wet side everyday. For three days. Granny will not believe me. Not especially because when she arrives all my cousins will tell her that I have been pissing on her bed. I really hate Kay but I can’t say that. I play the part of one of the three Wise Men in our Christmas concert. I can’t hate anyone. Granny says I should not talk like a person of the world.

I don’t know why I am thinking of those pages of our exercise books that we chew at school and throw onto the blackboard. I think it is because of the sound Kay makes when she chews. Especially with beans, it’s even worse. I don’t sit next to Kay when we eat. Me, I know I am modern. She sounds stupid with her jaws going up and down making that clappy noise like that. I hate beans. I am not sure why but I think they remind me of Kay. I am so happy that she is gone. I don’t know why everyone else’s mother is always available except mine. The thing is, I am not sure whether I am Granny’s child or my mother’s. I really don’t have a mother. No, not like that. I don’t have a mother like other children at school. Like you know the way we leave school and children go home to their mothers and even fathers and other children. Me, I don’t have any of that. I live with Granny. I don’t have a father. I don’t have a sister or a brother. I only have my cousins. They are nice sometimes. Like when their father brings them those sweet yellow scones from Nairobi, they always give me a pinch. Like a little small sponge and then they eat three. Sometimes four. I wish they gave me more but you see, my father did not buy them.

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