I LOVE THE FACT THAT OBAMA IS NOTHING MORE THAN A WANDERING KENYAN SPERM

January 20, 2009

Stop throwing tantrums about the whole principle of reduction that my title uses and listen to me. Don’t you like it when you say to a dog, “sit” and it does? Now you are sitting!

Today is Barack Obama’s inauguration as the 44th president of the USA (before this, I did not even know that G.W Bush was the 43rd)…Now I know. If anything has propelled one country in Eastern Africa called Kenya to fame, besides, wildlife, tribalism and a WWF champion one Lucy Kibaki aka madam first lady, that thing is Obama. Never in recent times has anyone’s private life been so public like that of Barack Obama. Never has the whole world looked at one person and dissected his life like surgeons would do to a body in a theatre. Now we all know Obama’s kenyan granny is called Sarah, we even know the date that his Hawaiian granny died, we know he quit smoking recently…we know just too much about Barack Obama.

Most Kenyans now know more about Obama than they know about one Mwai Kibaki besides his golf expertise. I hear Kibaki still says that when he grows up he wants to be Tiger Woods. Kenyans all over the world are just overwhelmed by Obama’s accending to the US presidency. When the little boy (the son of our soil…dont you wish Wahome Mutahi, alias Whispers, was still alive to write about this?)became Illinois senator, Kenya Breweries Limited (now EABL) brought us a cheap beer brand called Senator and we all drank to Barack Obama.

Definitely, EABL is not going to give us a beer called President because the title conjurs up in the Kenyan mind an image of a person worlds apart from Obama. In fact this man is so different and ugly that he decided not to have his face put on the Kenyan legal tender (notes and coins). Hey, that is besides my point…Lucy and Mary know better, it is the beauty and beholder thing.

Today, thousands of Kenyans are in Washington D.C (I still dont understand why there is Washington D.C and Washington the state) for Obama’s inauguration. Breasts and bums brushing and shakes and hugs passing all in jubilation for Obama. Introductions have been extended from “My name is Kimani wa Mugo” to ” I am Kimani wa Mugo from Kenya”. Suddenly, it is a prestigious thing to be Kenyan. But hey, I can’t believe that in the midst of all this, I am glad that Barack Obama snr left his family in the USA at such a tender age.

I am sure you are now thinking of me as that same sadist blogger with no new year resolutions.

Whether we admit it or not, to me, Obama is a wandering Kenyan sperm that happened to be caught up in a favourable ‘uteral’ space. Hey, no need reminding Kenyans that Obama is actually American because they know this it’s only that Kenyans love their parties from funerals to child naming ceremonies.

Well, thank God Obama Snr never brought little Obama to Kenya as a young Kenyan. Thank goodness Obama is not a Kenyan citizen but an American. If Barack Obama was truly Kenyan:

1. He would be dead by now because Kenya is allergic to good politicians (but I aint sure he would be as good).
2. He would be guilty of tax evading because he would definitely be the member of parliament for Kogelo, that is if he survives political assassination also called disappearance.
3. He would be caught up in the Luo/kikuyu thing. Of course he would be just another Luo looking for fame.
4. He would be shutting down motions on legalizing prostitution and ending up at Koinange Street at night.
5. He would have to put up with all the crap America says and does to the rest of the world.
6. He would be in millions of pictures on their way to the West asking for Aid for starving Kenyan children and never getting a thing.
7. He would be one of the thousands of former Nyayo House detainees and possibly wouldn’t get the two beautiful daughters.
8. Kenyans would have had less public holidays last year
9. That journalist would not have thrown a shoe at Bush because he would not have anyone to compare Bush with.
10. I would not be writing this blog.

I am going to write a letter to Barack Obama Snr, to thank him for the favour he did the world by not bringing up Obama jnr as a Kenyan. As you drink and party to Obama’s inauguration, please remember this great sperm donor, one Barack Obama snr and pour libation!!

Lol, some things just cant be captured in a poem…well, the more reason I aint a poet.

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